beings and their karma

Beings are the "owners" of their karma, and the "inheritors" of them in that they reap the fruits of them, that they have previously sown. However, I feel sometimes to be a passive observer of this process in my 'self'.

If I try too hard with my path then I find myself held back by defilements of mind. This results in a very peculiar mental feeling where one of the defilements becomes foremost in my mind instead of peaceful thoughts.

Likewise by concentrating too much on a defilement, and paying unwise attention to it, I find my path pulling me uncomfortably back in line through seeing anicca, dhukka and anatta. This means I cannot revel too much in the pleasure or hindrance I am focusing on.

This whole process of course leaves me in a state of disatisfaction because I can neither be entirely rapt in my pleasures or in my path. It's like there is always a fly in my soup!

Now... it has occurred to me that this process seems to have a life of its own and has very little to do with me. I feel that I am taking too much responsibility for my mental state at any given time, blaming my frustration on my own failings.

It is true that if there were no more defilements that this frustration would no longer occur. But in this particular reincarnation I have neither created these defilements not created any perfections of mind, for the most part.

By not feeling responsible for them, and not paying them so much attention, I feel that I am cultivating awareness of not-self (anatta).

It is hard, since I have always seen events in my own life as somehow being the result of my actions and thoughts, but this is not strictly true. They are merely events and ascribing ownership to them would be wrong.

In the constantly changing energy stream that is reality, events occur simply due to dependent arising, and cease to occur when the factors or causes change.

Obviously this process is not part of my sense of self. So, it seems wrong to me to say that I can create karma or destroy it. I can only say 'karma is created and destroyed', but not by me. I am nothing.

This would not have made sense to me some time ago, but now it does.

Is an enlightened being one who simply does not believe he or she can affect karma or effect its destruction, and so is at peace?